TentativeRevisedThesis

> a Persuasive Thesis Statement on Computers in the classroom: > Even though It's too expensive, not cost-effective., We should have enough computers for every student in the social studies classroom. because It is equitable and fair; many students do not have access to computers at home. and We can utilize Web 2.0 tools to engage students and greatly enhance learning..
 * A computer for every student, engaging student learning in the World of Web 2.0. or Laptops in the social studies classroom, engaging student...**

March, Tom. “Thesis Builder: Online tools for thesis statements and outlines.” 1996. Web. 26 Sep. 2012. .

My version (revised): Although some argue it may be too expensive or not cost effective, the benefits of computers in the classroom outweigh these arguments, especially in the social studies classroom. We should have enough computers (laptops) in the social studies classroom for every student because it is equitable and fair, not every student has access to computers at home. And most importantly, we can utilize Web 2.0 tools to engage students in meaningful projects, greatly enhancing learning.

My comments on Tom March's Thesis Builder as a tool: First of all, this is one of the Web 2.0 tools my students could access with their laptops and utilize in the social studies classroom. I like the way it breaks it down into the arguments, making it easier to focus. The trouble is grammar issues and injecting your own personal voice (if 1st person is appropriate). Students need to realize that they will need to edit the thesis that Thesis Builder produces to make it their own in terms of voice and fixing the grammar issues. It is a great base though. Maybe the site could incorporate a grammar check after it produces the thesis, like Microsoft Word or other programs automatically do.